Exploring and Applying the Lord's Prayer
Lord, Teach Us To Pray

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We have looked first at the forgiveness that God offers, as this is absolutely basic to our standing before him. We all stand before God as 'miserable sinners'; debtors in need of mercy. We come, as it were, with empty and soiled hands and with nothing to offer except the prayer, 'Forgive us our trespasses.' In his mercy, our heavenly Father clears our debts, makes us acceptable and able to stand before him. He makes us citizens of his kingdom; his adopted sons and daughters. Here is the goodness, forgiveness and mercy of God. Great and wonderful it is; more precious, says our Lord, than the finest of pearls or the greatest of treasures.

We look now at the second part, 'As we forgive those who trespass against us.' At first sight it seems as if the Lord is teaching that we can earn or deserve God's forgiveness if we forgive others. But can it mean that? Could we ever earn forgiveness before God? Before our heavenly Father even our best efforts are contaminated; our fairest offerings are only, as Isaiah so vividly describes them, 'as filthy rags'. We have fallen so far short that we are never humanly able to put things right. Reconciliation is all of God's goodness. To teach that we can earn God's forgiveness is to go against the whole teaching of our Lord and the whole of the Apostles' consistent teaching.

Rather, the Lord is reminding us that as we have known and tasted the wonderful mercy and forgiveness of God so we must reflect it in our day by day dealings with those around us. Having been forgiven we must be eager to forgive those who have wronged us. We must not be like the unmerciful servant of the Lord's story who owed his master a vastly great amount. Being totally unable to pay, he was freely and graciously forgiven, but he then went out and showed no mercy whatever to his fellow servant. The unmerciful servant was freely forgiven by his master but by his behaviour to his fellow servant he lost, he forfeited that forgiveness. We can never earn God's forgiveness. And here we are solemnly warned that our heavenly Father will not continue to have mercy on us if we ourselves remain stubbornly unforgiving.

Our Lord is teaching us to pray: 'Father, as you have forgiven me, give me a forgiving spirit.

As you have been merciful and generous to me, may I be merciful and generous to those around me.

As you have written off my debt, may I write off the debts of others. May I give them space to be real people, to make mistakes, and, by your grace, may I be willing to make the first move towards reconciliation.

May I be as ready to forgive as the father of the prodigal son who eagerly watched and waited for his son's return and rushed to forgive him.'

Such a willingness to forgive is the exact opposite of our basic human nature. We naturally demand justice, our rights, our 'pound of flesh' from others but beg for ourselves to be excused and shown mercy.

Again, the godly forgiveness we are shown here will never be easy or tidy. We will be forced on each occasion to find the right balance between the harshness of justice without mercy and the softness of mercy without justice. We are to be generous and merciful yet not to so abandon justice that people mock us or take advantage of us. Our heavenly Father well understands this, for in the cross of our Lord Jesus both justice and mercy play a full part, justice is satisfied as mercy is freely offered. We are to forgive as we have been forgiven.

In this second part of the petition we move from the wash room and boot room, where we are made acceptable, to the chapel. Here, in his quiet and lovely room, built and furnished to enable prayer to be as natural and easy as breathing, we can quietly reflect on our Father's patience and mercy towards us as we wandered and strayed or as we wilfully ignored him. Here, together or alone, we can draw strength and resolve to honour our heavenly Father in our dealings with those around us. We can resolve to be forgiving as we have been forgiven.

What does it mean 'to forgive'? The word itself means 'to send away' or 'to put away'. Forgiveness is the putting away of the things that would break us apart. The aim of forgiveness is that two persons or parties estranged by a wrong or trespass might be reconciled and brought together. To bring this about, the wrong needs to be put away. God is willing to put away our debt before him. We must be willing to put away the offences and trespasses that are committed against us; to put away, on our part, anything that would stand in the way of reconciliation.

The quiet resolve before God to be forgiving needs to be carried into the cut and thrust of daily living. And so we must move from the beauty and quietness of the chapel - where to be spiritually minded is easy - to the home, the work place and the neighbourhood where it most certainly is not.

Forgiveness of ourselves

The forgiveness of this second part of the petition is primarily about our relationship with others - and yet we do need to learn to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us. The evil one, the accuser as he is sometimes called in scripture, will constantly play on and remind us of our past failings, our guilt, our secret sins and weaknesses or our feelings of uselessness. However true the accusations may be, once they have been brought openly before our heavenly Father and his forgiveness sought, then every time we are reminded of them and tempted to be cast down by the memory of them, our strong response must be, 'Yes, sadly true, but my heavenly Father knows about these things, the debt is paid, and all he requires is that I live today for him as his forgiven child.' If God has 'put away' our wrong doings and our failures so must we, so that we are set free to live in the present for him.

Forgiveness of those we know well

The moment we become really close to someone in friendship, courtship, marriage or as a colleague at work or leisure we discover that they are not quite perfect! It is a well established phenomenon that when a new clergyman or minister comes to a church, for the first months he is thought wonderful, fresh and bright and clearly the answer to all the church's problems, and can do nothing wrong. After a couple of years he cannot do anything right and after a couple more they know his every odd mannerism and expression so well that he is merely tolerated or ignored. You can see the wisdom of moving often! More seriously, it is a perfect illustration of the fact that when you really get to know someone you find that they are not the perfect person you imagined them to be but a frail human being with failings and weaknesses, blind spots and annoying habits. In fact, a human being in need of help and constant forgiveness.

Young people setting up home soon discover the same thing. Indeed, the first year of marriage is notoriously difficult. The lady finds that her 'prince charming,' though wonderful in the days of courtship, loses his charm as he sits sullen and unshaven over unpaid bills and cornflakes in the morning!

We need to learn forgiveness towards those closest to us. They will let us down. Our personal, treasured little ways may be upset or our possessions spoiled. We need a constant spirit of forgiveness in order to take in our stride the many annoyances. Talk them out, sort them out, but do not gather them and nurse them as growing, unforgiven resentments.

Godly leaders of a former generation referred to family life as 'the cauldron of our sanctification'; the place where true holiness of living both grows and is tested to the limit! In our homes, a willingness to ask for forgiveness, and to freely give it when it is asked of us, lies at the heart of our growth as disciples of Christ.

      'Lord give me a forgiving spirit.'

Forgiveness in our society

In our neighbourhood or workplace our property may be damaged by a careless colleague, a neighbour may deliberately or unwittingly upset us, or we may be the subjects of false rumours in local gossip. The Lord is teaching us in these difficult situations to be willing to forgive; to grow, as a fruit of the Holy Spirit, a willingness to be patient; an eagerness to sort out misunderstandings in a straightforward way and to seek reconciliation.

There may be situations where reconciliation is simply not possible. We may be, or they may be 'the neighbours from hell'! To avoid spiralling and all consuming bitterness we then need either that continuing forgiveness that is the turning of a blind eye, longsuffering in New Testament language, or a willingness to change jobs or to move away and put away from our minds the whole situation.

      'Lord as we have been forgiven so help us to be forgiving.'

Forgiveness of terrible wrongs

In this fallen world we can be really hurt, really let down, seriously offended against and owed much. What should we do then? What should our attitude be? In the New Testament, it comes across very clearly that there are conditions to forgiveness. The father of the prodigal son in our Lord's parable was desperately let down and yet ran to meet his son. He was ready and eager to forgive and to be reconciled with his reckless son. However, there could be no forgiveness, no reconciliation, until that son 'came to himself' and became willing to admit his mistakes and return home. Such a willingness to face the truth and offer an apology is never easy. 'I'm sorry, I was wrong . . .' are perhaps some of the hardest words to say. It took a famine and the pigs' trough to bring the son to that point! But there must be this turning, this repentance, if there is to be any true forgiveness or reconciliation.

It is for this very reason that we pray at the beginning of a service that God would give us a genuine repentance before him. God's forgiveness is never a soft option, a papering over, but rather a reforming fire that goes to the heart of the matter and then gives us a fresh new start. Our forgiveness of those around us must reflect this.

Having said that, if those who have terribly wronged and hurt us seek our forgiveness and an opportunity to put things right, we must be as willing and as eager to forgive as the father of the prodigal son who rushed to welcome and reinstate the filthy but returning lad.

Said the apostle Peter, 'How many times shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him - seven times?' That was far more than the accepted teaching in those days. Our Lord set no limit, saying in effect, 'If your brother comes acknowledging his debt, seeking reconciliation, seeking your forgiveness, freely forgive as you have been freely forgiven.' Here is a hard lesson that does not come naturally to many of us. Indeed, in Matthew's account, after teaching the basic pattern of this prayer, the Lord immediately enlarges on this very point; the willingness of true disciples to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Moving into a yet larger scene: as God's children wanting to honour him by reflecting his mercy, what of those who deliberately hurt and maim and destroy; who deliberately steal and cheat. What of those who would scoff at your willingness to forgive and who have no intention of seeking reconciliation?

We sometimes hear people say, 'I could never forgive: . . . she cheated me of my husband . . . he cheated me of my wife . . . he abused my child . . . they killed my son. I can never, never forgive.' Think for a moment of Northern Ireland. How many heart-rending cries of anguish have been heard from that land. But supposing it was our son or our daughter, could we, should we ever forgive? Human nature cries out that those who hurt and maim and kill should never be forgiven, but how should the disciple, the forgiven child of God react?

At a Remembrance Day service in Enniskillen a bomb was detonated and a Christian man lost his lovely daughter. That father was able to bear no malice towards those who killed her. That is the Christian reaction. You cannot forgive where there is no desire for reconciliation, but you can offer it, you can be willing to forgive, you can bear no malice. Jesus himself prayed, 'Father forgive them . . .' He did not declare them forgiven. He prayed that they might come to the place where they might be forgiven, and there find forgiveness freely offered.

Agents, together, of justice and peace

'To bear no malice.' As that applies in each of our own personal lives, it also applies to groups of people. There can be great feuds between families, villages, tribes and nations; people determined never to forgive or be reconciled and living with resentment, hatred and bitterness stored up. Here is the basis of great divides, hostility and, too often, war.

What part can disciples play as God's ambassadors, God's people? Our Father's economy is always based on his people being peacemakers; praying, working and seeking for reconciliation; being willing to forgive. And so it becomes plain that forgiveness is a matter both for individual disciples and for disciples together. Hence the 'us' and 'our' and 'we' of the Lord's Prayer.

Here we move from the chapel to a favourite parlour. This is no great state room but a comfortable, informal, family room. Here, as the name suggests, members of the family talk and share and live closely with one another, sorting out family misunderstandings and chatting over common attitudes to those who for one reason or another cause us annoyance, pain or difficulty.

Although not apparently so important, the informal chat and discussion of the parlour more often than not determines what takes place, or does not take place, in the great state rooms. So, quietly, here is a most important room, its informal exchanges are the key to our relationships with one another and with the wider world.

At school my German teacher, under Hitler's regime, had lost everything - his home, parents, brothers and sisters: everything. He escaped to this country and twenty years later he was teaching German. Do you know what he was also doing? He was a godly man, and he used his position to arrange exchange groups with German families. This man had been hurt so deeply and yet here he was working for reconciliation. By the grace of God he was free from bitterness. When we have tasted the mercy of God it should begin to show in our relationships and in godly, God-honouring reactions to the great hurts of life.

This is so very difficult, flesh and blood cries out against it, but we are not taught to pray for ease. We are taught to pray day by day for godly strength to work through and overcome the deep and natural anger, resentment, bitterness and hatred and to be merciful as God, our heavenly Father, has been merciful to us. We are praying positively for a Christ-like, forgiving spirit.

Human nature finds this so hard as Dutch ex-prisoner Corrie ten Boom found, as she came face to face with a former, brutal guard of the terrible concentration camp in which she had suffered so much and in which her sister had died. She had just spoken publicly of the forgiveness of God. The former guard came forward at the end of the meeting to ask for her personal forgiveness. Corrie froze, how could he ask for such a thing! How could she ever forgive him! Forgiveness in such a situation is so costly, and as she was to find, only possible by the grace of God and by the power of his Holy Spirit in our lives. There is so much to come to terms with and so much to work through. Forgiveness may not be instant but it is the authentic mark of the true disciple.

This prayer for a forgiving spirit is like another great wall mirror in which we can see ourselves. It accurately reflects our relationship with our heavenly Father. It is an immediate test of our own calling and standing before God. Have we truly tasted the mercy of God? Do we long to reflect that mercy in our dealings with those around us, both in the little things and in the great hurts of life? Do we really want to see his name honoured and his kingdom come - even in the matter of forgiveness?

Although we do not know what the future holds, there was something very special in South Africa during the presidency of Nelson Mandela. Imprisoned through the dark days of apartheid for over twenty years one could reasonably expect to find a man full of hatred and bitterness; a man hungering for power to 'pay back' and 'get even with' his oppressors. To the world's wonder, on his release there emerged a man who held no malice and who in his own person embraced and brought about reconciliation, showing and calling for restraint and patience. He has acknowledged the wrongs undoubtedly done but has not looked for revenge. He has rather worked tirelessly for a new South Africa. Here is forgiveness in practice. It is personally very costly but it brings with it priceless fruit - a touch of heaven.

In the chapel we lay our lives afresh before our heavenly Father. 'May your name be honoured in my attitudes and dealings with those around me.' In the parlour we meet closely with the members of our own family, with all their imperfections, and with our sometimes dreadful fellow disciples, members of the family of God. Here in the parlour we talk over our deepest hurts and thrash out our common attitudes to those who have wronged us as a family. Humanly it would be easy to justify an attitude of contempt, hatred or revenge. But, by the grace of God, may the parlour be free from these things and marked by an openness to reason, a bearing of no malice, an eagerness for reconciliation and a willingness to forgive as we have been forgiven.

'Lord God have mercy on us. Help us to recognise our own natural and inbuilt lack of mercy. Give us a forgiving spirit. Give us grace to put away bitterness and hatred and to forgive those who trespass against us, as we have been forgiven, that your holy name may be honoured and your will done.'

References

'Pearls' or 'treasure' - Matthew 13:44&45
'Filthy rags' - Isaiah 64:6
The unmerciful servant - Matthew 18:23-35
Stubbornly unforgiving - Matthew 6:14&15
Conditions to forgiveness - Luke 17:3&4
The prodigal son - Luke 15:11-24
'Seven times?'- Matthew 18:21&22
Willingness to forgive - Matthew 6:14
'Father forgive them' - Luke 23:34

Questions

1 To what extent is it human nature to be like the unmerciful servant, taking forgiveness offered to us for granted but being none too hasty to forgive those around us?
2 Why should we be willing and eager to forgive?
3 How easy is it to love justice and show mercy?
4 Is it sometimes almost hardest of all to forgive ourselves? Yet, can we, should we, must we? Why?
5 'Not perfect, but with weaknesses, 'blind spots' and annoying habits . . . a human being in need of help and constant forgiveness.' How well does this describe those close to us? How well does it describe us?
6 'I'm sorry, I was wrong.' When these words are really meant, are they some of the hardest words to say? Why?
7 Can there be true reconciliation without a willingness to admit our mistakes?
8 'I could never, never forgive . . .' But can we 'bear no malice'? Can we be searching for and eager to welcome the first hint of a move towards reconciliation?
9 To what extent do we need to pray day by day for grace to work through and overcome our natural anger, resentment and bitterness?
10 Have you known or read about people whose Christ-like willingness to forgive has challenged you?
11 In what ways and in what situations would our heavenly Father have us be his peacemakers?


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