We
have looked first at the forgiveness
that God offers, as this is
absolutely basic to our standing
before him. We all stand before God
as 'miserable sinners'; debtors in
need of mercy. We come, as it were,
with empty and soiled hands and with
nothing to offer except the prayer,
'Forgive us our trespasses.' In his
mercy, our heavenly Father clears
our debts, makes us acceptable and
able to stand before him. He makes
us citizens of his kingdom; his
adopted sons and daughters. Here is
the goodness, forgiveness and mercy
of God. Great and wonderful it is;
more precious, says our Lord, than
the finest of pearls or the greatest
of treasures.
We
look now at the second part, 'As we
forgive those who trespass against
us.' At first sight it seems as if
the Lord is teaching that we can
earn or deserve God's forgiveness if
we forgive others. But can it mean
that? Could we ever earn forgiveness
before God? Before our heavenly
Father even our best efforts are
contaminated; our fairest offerings
are only, as Isaiah so vividly
describes them, 'as filthy rags'. We
have fallen so far short that we are
never humanly able to put things
right. Reconciliation is all of
God's goodness. To teach that we can
earn God's forgiveness is to go
against the whole teaching of our
Lord and the whole of the Apostles'
consistent teaching.
Rather, the Lord is reminding us
that as we have known and tasted the
wonderful mercy and forgiveness of
God so we must reflect it in our day
by day dealings with those around
us. Having been forgiven we must be
eager to forgive those who have
wronged us. We must not be like the
unmerciful servant of the Lord's
story who owed his master a vastly
great amount. Being totally unable
to pay, he was freely and graciously
forgiven, but he then went out and
showed no mercy whatever to his
fellow servant. The unmerciful
servant was freely forgiven by his
master but by his behaviour to his
fellow servant he lost, he forfeited
that forgiveness. We can never earn
God's forgiveness. And here we are
solemnly warned that our heavenly
Father will not continue to have
mercy on us if we ourselves remain
stubbornly unforgiving.
Our
Lord is teaching us to pray:
'Father, as you have forgiven me,
give me a forgiving spirit.
As
you have been merciful and generous
to me, may I be merciful and
generous to those around me.
As
you have written off my debt, may I
write off the debts of others. May I
give them space to be real people,
to make mistakes, and, by your
grace, may I be willing to make the
first move towards reconciliation.
May I
be as ready to forgive as the father
of the prodigal son who eagerly
watched and waited for his son's
return and rushed to forgive him.'
Such a willingness to forgive is the
exact opposite of our basic human
nature. We naturally demand justice,
our rights, our 'pound of flesh'
from others but beg for ourselves to
be excused and shown mercy.
Again, the godly forgiveness we are
shown here will never be easy or
tidy. We will be forced on each
occasion to find the right balance
between the harshness of justice
without mercy and the softness of
mercy without justice. We are to be
generous and merciful yet not to so
abandon justice that people mock us
or take advantage of us. Our
heavenly Father well understands
this, for in the cross of our Lord
Jesus both justice and mercy play a
full part, justice is satisfied as
mercy is freely offered. We are to
forgive as we have been forgiven.
In
this second part of the petition we
move from the wash room and boot
room, where we are made acceptable,
to the chapel. Here, in his quiet
and lovely room, built and furnished
to enable prayer to be as natural
and easy as breathing, we can
quietly reflect on our Father's
patience and mercy towards us as we
wandered and strayed or as we
wilfully ignored him. Here, together
or alone, we can draw strength and
resolve to honour our heavenly
Father in our dealings with those
around us. We can resolve to be
forgiving as we have been forgiven.
What
does it mean 'to forgive'? The word
itself means 'to send away' or 'to
put away'. Forgiveness is the
putting away of the things that
would break us apart. The aim of
forgiveness is that two persons or
parties estranged by a wrong or
trespass might be reconciled and
brought together. To bring this
about, the wrong needs to be put
away. God is willing to put away our
debt before him. We must be willing
to put away the offences and
trespasses that are committed
against us; to put away, on our
part, anything that would stand in
the way of reconciliation.
The
quiet resolve before God to be
forgiving needs to be carried into
the cut and thrust of daily living.
And so we must move from the beauty
and quietness of the chapel - where
to be spiritually minded is easy -
to the home, the work place and the
neighbourhood where it most
certainly is not.
Forgiveness of ourselves
The forgiveness of this second part
of the petition is primarily about
our relationship with others - and
yet we do need to learn to forgive
ourselves as God has forgiven us.
The evil one, the accuser as he is
sometimes called in scripture, will
constantly play on and remind us of
our past failings, our guilt, our
secret sins and weaknesses or our
feelings of uselessness. However
true the accusations may be, once
they have been brought openly before
our heavenly Father and his
forgiveness sought, then every time
we are reminded of them and tempted
to be cast down by the memory of
them, our strong response must be,
'Yes, sadly true, but my heavenly
Father knows about these things, the
debt is paid, and all he requires is
that I live today for him as his
forgiven child.' If God has 'put
away' our wrong doings and our
failures so must we, so that we are
set free to live in the present for
him.
Forgiveness of those we know well
The moment we become really close to
someone in friendship, courtship,
marriage or as a colleague at work
or leisure we discover that they are
not quite perfect! It is a well
established phenomenon that when a
new clergyman or minister comes to a
church, for the first months he is
thought wonderful, fresh and bright
and clearly the answer to all the
church's problems, and can do
nothing wrong. After a couple of
years he cannot do anything right
and after a couple more they know
his every odd mannerism and
expression so well that he is merely
tolerated or ignored. You can see
the wisdom of moving often! More
seriously, it is a perfect
illustration of the fact that when
you really get to know someone you
find that they are not the perfect
person you imagined them to be but a
frail human being with failings and
weaknesses, blind spots and annoying
habits. In fact, a human being in
need of help and constant
forgiveness.
Young
people setting up home soon discover
the same thing. Indeed, the first
year of marriage is notoriously
difficult. The lady finds that her
'prince charming,' though wonderful
in the days of courtship, loses his
charm as he sits sullen and unshaven
over unpaid bills and cornflakes in
the morning!
We
need to learn forgiveness towards
those closest to us. They will let
us down. Our personal, treasured
little ways may be upset or our
possessions spoiled. We need a
constant spirit of forgiveness in
order to take in our stride the many
annoyances. Talk them out, sort them
out, but do not gather them and
nurse them as growing, unforgiven
resentments.
Godly
leaders of a former generation
referred to family life as 'the
cauldron of our sanctification'; the
place where true holiness of living
both grows and is tested to the
limit! In our homes, a willingness
to ask for forgiveness, and to
freely give it when it is asked of
us, lies at the heart of our growth
as disciples of Christ.
'Lord give me a forgiving spirit.'
Forgiveness in our society
In our neighbourhood or workplace
our property may be damaged by a
careless colleague, a neighbour may
deliberately or unwittingly upset
us, or we may be the subjects of
false rumours in local gossip. The
Lord is teaching us in these
difficult situations to be willing
to forgive; to grow, as a fruit of
the Holy Spirit, a willingness to be
patient; an eagerness to sort out
misunderstandings in a
straightforward way and to seek
reconciliation.
There
may be situations where
reconciliation is simply not
possible. We may be, or they may be
'the neighbours from hell'! To avoid
spiralling and all consuming
bitterness we then need either that
continuing forgiveness that is the
turning of a blind eye,
longsuffering in New Testament
language, or a willingness to change
jobs or to move away and put away
from our minds the whole situation.
'Lord as we have been forgiven so
help us to be forgiving.'
Forgiveness of terrible wrongs
In this fallen world we can be
really hurt, really let down,
seriously offended against and owed
much. What should we do then? What
should our attitude be? In the New
Testament, it comes across very
clearly that there are conditions to
forgiveness. The father of the
prodigal son in our Lord's parable
was desperately let down and yet ran
to meet his son. He was ready and
eager to forgive and to be
reconciled with his reckless son.
However, there could be no
forgiveness, no reconciliation,
until that son 'came to himself' and
became willing to admit his mistakes
and return home. Such a willingness
to face the truth and offer an
apology is never easy. 'I'm sorry, I
was wrong . . .' are perhaps some of
the hardest words to say. It took a
famine and the pigs' trough to bring
the son to that point! But there
must be this turning, this
repentance, if there is to be any
true forgiveness or reconciliation.
It is
for this very reason that we pray at
the beginning of a service that God
would give us a genuine repentance
before him. God's forgiveness is
never a soft option, a papering
over, but rather a reforming fire
that goes to the heart of the matter
and then gives us a fresh new start.
Our forgiveness of those around us
must reflect this.
Having said that, if those who have
terribly wronged and hurt us seek
our forgiveness and an opportunity
to put things right, we must be as
willing and as eager to forgive as
the father of the prodigal son who
rushed to welcome and reinstate the
filthy but returning lad.
Said
the apostle Peter, 'How many times
shall my brother sin against me and
I forgive him - seven times?' That
was far more than the accepted
teaching in those days. Our Lord set
no limit, saying in effect, 'If your
brother comes acknowledging his
debt, seeking reconciliation,
seeking your forgiveness, freely
forgive as you have been freely
forgiven.' Here is a hard lesson
that does not come naturally to many
of us. Indeed, in Matthew's account,
after teaching the basic pattern of
this prayer, the Lord immediately
enlarges on this very point; the
willingness of true disciples to
forgive as we have been forgiven.
Moving into a yet larger scene: as
God's children wanting to honour him
by reflecting his mercy, what of
those who deliberately hurt and maim
and destroy; who deliberately steal
and cheat. What of those who would
scoff at your willingness to forgive
and who have no intention of seeking
reconciliation?
We
sometimes hear people say, 'I could
never forgive: . . . she cheated me
of my husband . . . he cheated me of
my wife . . . he abused my child . .
. they killed my son. I can never,
never forgive.' Think for a moment
of Northern Ireland. How many
heart-rending cries of anguish have
been heard from that land. But
supposing it was our son or our
daughter, could we, should we ever
forgive? Human nature cries out that
those who hurt and maim and kill
should never be forgiven, but how
should the disciple, the forgiven
child of God react?
At a
Remembrance Day service in
Enniskillen a bomb was detonated and
a Christian man lost his lovely
daughter. That father was able to
bear no malice towards those who
killed her. That is the Christian
reaction. You cannot forgive where
there is no desire for
reconciliation, but you can offer
it, you can be willing to forgive,
you can bear no malice. Jesus
himself prayed, 'Father forgive them
. . .' He did not declare them
forgiven. He prayed that they might
come to the place where they might
be forgiven, and there find
forgiveness freely offered.
Agents, together, of justice and
peace
'To bear no malice.' As that applies
in each of our own personal lives,
it also applies to groups of people.
There can be great feuds between
families, villages, tribes and
nations; people determined never to
forgive or be reconciled and living
with resentment, hatred and
bitterness stored up. Here is the
basis of great divides, hostility
and, too often, war.
What
part can disciples play as God's
ambassadors, God's people? Our
Father's economy is always based on
his people being peacemakers;
praying, working and seeking for
reconciliation; being willing to
forgive. And so it becomes plain
that forgiveness is a matter both
for individual disciples and for
disciples together. Hence the 'us'
and 'our' and 'we' of the Lord's
Prayer.
Here
we move from the chapel to a
favourite parlour. This is no great
state room but a comfortable,
informal, family room. Here, as the
name suggests, members of the family
talk and share and live closely with
one another, sorting out family
misunderstandings and chatting over
common attitudes to those who for
one reason or another cause us
annoyance, pain or difficulty.
Although not apparently so
important, the informal chat and
discussion of the parlour more often
than not determines what takes
place, or does not take place, in
the great state rooms. So, quietly,
here is a most important room, its
informal exchanges are the key to
our relationships with one another
and with the wider world.
At
school my German teacher, under
Hitler's regime, had lost everything
- his home, parents, brothers and
sisters: everything. He escaped to
this country and twenty years later
he was teaching German. Do you know
what he was also doing? He was a
godly man, and he used his position
to arrange exchange groups with
German families. This man had been
hurt so deeply and yet here he was
working for reconciliation. By the
grace of God he was free from
bitterness. When we have tasted the
mercy of God it should begin to show
in our relationships and in godly,
God-honouring reactions to the great
hurts of life.
This
is so very difficult, flesh and
blood cries out against it, but we
are not taught to pray for ease. We
are taught to pray day by day for
godly strength to work through and
overcome the deep and natural anger,
resentment, bitterness and hatred
and to be merciful as God, our
heavenly Father, has been merciful
to us. We are praying positively for
a Christ-like, forgiving spirit.
Human
nature finds this so hard as Dutch
ex-prisoner Corrie ten Boom found,
as she came face to face with a
former, brutal guard of the terrible
concentration camp in which she had
suffered so much and in which her
sister had died. She had just spoken
publicly of the forgiveness of God.
The former guard came forward at the
end of the meeting to ask for her
personal forgiveness. Corrie froze,
how could he ask for such a thing!
How could she ever forgive him!
Forgiveness in such a situation is
so costly, and as she was to find,
only possible by the grace of God
and by the power of his Holy Spirit
in our lives. There is so much to
come to terms with and so much to
work through. Forgiveness may not be
instant but it is the authentic mark
of the true disciple.
This
prayer for a forgiving spirit is
like another great wall mirror in
which we can see ourselves. It
accurately reflects our relationship
with our heavenly Father. It is an
immediate test of our own calling
and standing before God. Have we
truly tasted the mercy of God? Do we
long to reflect that mercy in our
dealings with those around us, both
in the little things and in the
great hurts of life? Do we really
want to see his name honoured and
his kingdom come - even in the
matter of forgiveness?
Although we do not know what the
future holds, there was something
very special in South Africa during
the presidency of Nelson Mandela.
Imprisoned through the dark days of
apartheid for over twenty years one
could reasonably expect to find a
man full of hatred and bitterness; a
man hungering for power to 'pay
back' and 'get even with' his
oppressors. To the world's wonder,
on his release there emerged a man
who held no malice and who in his
own person embraced and brought
about reconciliation, showing and
calling for restraint and patience.
He has acknowledged the wrongs
undoubtedly done but has not looked
for revenge. He has rather worked
tirelessly for a new South Africa.
Here is forgiveness in practice. It
is personally very costly but it
brings with it priceless fruit - a
touch of heaven.
In the chapel we lay our lives
afresh before our heavenly Father.
'May your name be honoured in my
attitudes and dealings with those
around me.' In the parlour we meet
closely with the members of our own
family, with all their
imperfections, and with our
sometimes dreadful fellow disciples,
members of the family of God. Here
in the parlour we talk over our
deepest hurts and thrash out our
common attitudes to those who have
wronged us as a family. Humanly it
would be easy to justify an attitude
of contempt, hatred or revenge. But,
by the grace of God, may the parlour
be free from these things and marked
by an openness to reason, a bearing
of no malice, an eagerness for
reconciliation and a willingness to
forgive as we have been forgiven.
'Lord God have mercy on us. Help us
to recognise our own natural and
inbuilt lack of mercy. Give us a
forgiving spirit. Give us grace to
put away bitterness and hatred and
to forgive those who trespass
against us, as we have been
forgiven, that your holy name may be
honoured and your will done.'
References
'Pearls' or 'treasure' - Matthew
13:44&45
'Filthy rags' - Isaiah 64:6
The unmerciful servant - Matthew
18:23-35
Stubbornly unforgiving - Matthew
6:14&15
Conditions to forgiveness - Luke
17:3&4
The prodigal son - Luke 15:11-24
'Seven times?'- Matthew 18:21&22
Willingness to forgive - Matthew
6:14
'Father forgive them' - Luke 23:34
Questions
1 To what extent is it human nature
to be like the unmerciful servant,
taking forgiveness offered to us for
granted but being none too hasty to
forgive those around us?
2 Why should we be willing and eager
to forgive?
3 How easy is it to love justice and
show mercy?
4 Is it sometimes almost hardest of
all to forgive ourselves? Yet, can
we, should we, must we? Why?
5 'Not perfect, but with weaknesses,
'blind spots' and annoying habits .
. . a human being in need of help
and constant forgiveness.' How well
does this describe those close to
us? How well does it describe us?
6 'I'm sorry, I was wrong.' When
these words are really meant, are
they some of the hardest words to
say? Why?
7 Can there be true reconciliation
without a willingness to admit our
mistakes?
8 'I could never, never forgive . .
.' But can we 'bear no malice'? Can
we be searching for and eager to
welcome the first hint of a move
towards reconciliation?
9 To what extent do we need to pray
day by day for grace to work through
and overcome our natural anger,
resentment and bitterness?
10 Have you known or read about
people whose Christ-like willingness
to forgive has challenged you?
11 In what ways and in what
situations would our heavenly Father
have us be his peacemakers?
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